What the fuck.

what the fuck.

I have gained 3kilos.

Topshop is having their season sale and I only managed to grab myself a pretty cute undie as they had no bottoms for size 6.

What the fuck.

I am running low on cash.

What the fuck.

This really feels fucked up.

its gonna be our 15th month in 2 days time. so many things has happened, be it good or bad. i suppose sometimes i just cant be the best, cant be any sweeter than you, my love may appear to be insufficient, my words tend to be harsh. its true that i have a made an unforgiven mistake recently, an unpleasant pic that shocked you out of your life. tho i tried to explain i still realised its entirely my fault. i was so silly so stupid to allow ur fragile heart shattered into pieces, u lost so much tears cos of my irresponsibility, my childishness. my thinking was a total screwed up, i shld have listened to your heart but it was all too late. now i knw it wld be hard for me to mend it back, mend it like it used to be. things wont be the same for sure after this. i knw very well i have wasted my chance to express all my love when i came back from my outfield. so right here right now, i will give it all i have to salvage this love from crashing down. i will do all means to make it right, to be right there always, to ensure that u are safe from any harm. i always wanting to be your hero, to save you from any gravitational force which can lead to a mishap, and u succumbing from your fear. i wanna be your pillar of strength, i wanna guide you and bring you to a place called CLOUD 9, thats where we belong. i dont need anybody else to change me, i dont need anyone else to guide me. i just need your heart so that i can fill every corner of the room with my love, care and concern. i just wanna be with you.i dont want anybody else. it will just drive me insane lunatic. i will nvr get to where i am without you. u made me someone, someone who can love you with all his heart and im capableof doing that. you are all that i need. i really miss you badly, i just wanna be in your arms with cookietoady and sing you 'home' by micheal buble every single night, i wanna make your favourite redbean pancake so that u wont go hungry, i wanna go jog with you so that u wont be lonely, i just wanna be with you so that you knw how true my love is for you. the yearning to see you and hold you are my absolute fantasy. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH J-ING. i have nvr loved a lady like this before, you are my obsession, my diamond, my cookiemonster, my cookiegumgum, my cookie starbear, my jayve mishall. i just need you by my side, let me sail with you and get rid of all the pain in you now. this 2:40min video above can nvr be the greatest gift, but my sincerity to do it with heart and tears i will always remember u have been the greatest lady in my life. I LOVE YOU J-ING, I REALLY DO.

By Your Hubby,

Ridwan

R-R, Bad Romance.

God, I've been possessed by the fashion devil. I have a new-found addiction to HEELS. Oh yes, I have been eye-ing a wide range of heels from almost every footwear store in town. That would have to go without a saying, I dropped by in town yesterday with my family because momsie had a dinner date with her group of girlfriends so.... That meant retail therapy with dadsie and sissi. Well, it was my turn to get my dose of shopping as sissi had her fair share when she was vacation-ing in taipei over the last six days. (I am so friggin' jealous alright). Apparently, she mentioned about how fashion-forward taipei is and that their range of apparels and footwear are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more trendier than what we have in Sg. That I have to agree with! Certainly without a doubt. Well, the range of clothings we have here in Sg is more or less similar, if not... The different type of styles and cutting do share the same "inspiration". Don't you agree? Guess the only way to look stylish is to go simple. Oh no wait, simplicity doesn't come cheap. I reckon everyone have to invest in at least a good pair of JEANS and a stunning pair of HEELS. I believe, with these two essentials you can strut your way down in town and turn those heads and get those jaws dropping. Now now, where was I? Ah, heels. Oh, heels, heels and more heels. I jumped into [New Look] @ Ion for a 15minute quickie because dadsie was rushing for "carpark time". Anyhow, I scanned every single rack in the shop... And... Aw, within good 8minutes, I laid my eyes on a pair of "Oh la la~" black heels. Well, I am not quite sure if it appeals to anyone else, but damn I knew there and then which pair of outfit would go perfectly well with that pair of heels. Dadsie was hurrying me and his hastiness irritated me. So I left the outlet. Oh god, I will come back for you(heels), you have no idea how much I love you. I promise, I will get you! Now that dadsie isn't there to pay, I will have to fork out 67bux for it. Shitzxzxzxz. Where am I to get so much cash? I've milked my cashcow dry within the past 3 days. This is really irksome. It sucks biggie when you are broke. I will find a way.

There you go, you are just so gorgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooous. Mwaaaaaaa! Lady GaGa wears "STUNNING-ly KILLLAAAAA" heels.
Now I am ass-whipping envious.

Words are pretty mean, nasty and razor - sharp.

rip Daul Kim


I didn't like Daul because she was pretty (she was). I didn't like Daul because she had a cool sense of style (she did). I liked Daul because there was something there I could relate to. It's frowned upon to blog about your feelings on a fashion blog. But the truth is...

most fashion blogs/ people/ personalities just seem so boring. "Be a real person!" I would say. Do you ever wonder if anyone feels anything beyond "Oh I covet this..."?

One time, I wrote about my nervous breakdown. And then everyone called me a "bitch." It's too bad people aren't happy and smiling all the time, huh?

To be forever young.

I woke up this morning to find my mind almost empty. Somehow I had the feeling of not remembering anything, no, nothing at all. I loved how peaceful I was this very morning. Everything felt so warm, so comforting. I knew this time, I only have myself to trust. I want to stay guarded in my own arms, I want to protect my heart, shelter it from all the emotional turmoils. This is the beginning of my discovery to independence. No doubt, I will take the best out of this hard lesson, step out from the naiveness I used to drown myself in. Here I am, standing firm on my two feet, I will learn it the hard way, I will stay guarded, I will not let anyone or anything hurt me for good.

When I was young, I had taken a whole load of burden. But never did I express the slightest weary emotions. I faked a smile for almost half of my life, I pretended everything was ok. The greatest lie I told myself was: "Don't be afraid, everything is OK."
Obviously, nothing then and now is either PERFECT or OK. I had been in a state of denial, or so I may very well assure myself those words were merely for comforting sake.

I will do myself a favor, or at least my heart a favor now. I've learnt never to allow others take me for granted. I am truly terrified. Reality comes without a hint, leaves you at a lost. Reality spells nastiness.
I wished I had never broken out of my naiveness, because...
Only because when I was a little kid, I was ever so trusting by nature, I have never doubted anyone neither could I tell the good and bad apart. Sadly, all these years of growing up, I was exposed to different sides and facade of people and Life. I know I am in the most vulnerable position right now.

I have to protect myself.

My boots will walk right over you.

Tuesday saw me back at town. Orchard has became my second home eversince th O's had ended. I swear I've been in and out of town for more than 10-12 times in the month of November. Hmmm, and that brings bad news because I am really beginning to wear a dry feeling towards town. Like y'know? Albeit th festive seasons nearing, the range of retail outlets in town are lacking..... the "BOOMZ!" (pardon my lousy attempt of "ris low")

Spent my afternoon with Shahib. The skinny 17 year-old had to look for a part-time job to get him through his holidays. So we headed for:-
Pit Stop 1: Uniqlo @ Ion.
Pit Stop 2: Topman @ Ion.
Pit Stop 3: A cartoonish-kiddish shop @ Ion
Pit Stop 4: Na Na Thai @ FarEast
Pit Stop 5: Sakura @ FarEast (he'd most probably get the job here!)

So girls, do check out the round-eyed skinny Shahib @ Sakura, Far East. He is really over the moon. You should have seen how his face beamed with glee when the manager told him "breakfast, lunch and dinner is provided for"

After which, I met up with dadsie and we went shopping. Shopping with dadsie literally meant milking the cash cow. KACHINKKKKKKKK!
We went through the racks of almost every shop and picked out whatever we felt great in. I swear we blew at least a good 500bux within an hour!


On the whole, I felt great in my black boots. Ah, I dugged them out from my cupboard this morning. Old Old boots, you've been revived!
Today I figured two things:
1. The best work out? Swagger those buttcheeks down town with goddamn hot heels.
2. Either Sg is really tiny or FB is an effective social portal. Every corner I turn, I see familiar faces. It is a mad, mad world.

Goodnight lovers.
xoxo.

Without a trace.

I feel like going on Hiatus.
I want to disappear into thin air and leave nothing but bubbles behind.
You'll realize sooner or later, I've left.

Apologies. The word "feel" in this context is rather contradicting and that's only because, I can't feel.

I am fucking scared of you.

Somtimes I wonder what I would answer if my friends asked me if I was in love with you. Now, they would never question because I'm really good at hiding my feelings due to years of practise.

But IF.

"I do" I might say. "I'll admit that there is a certain tension between him and me that I don't feel I have with anyone else." Then, after a moment of thought, I might continue: "But, what I do know is that sometimes I want to stroke his head so bad I can't barely stand it, and sometimes I make things on purpose just so I can be near him. What I also do know, is that I'm scared. So awfully scared."

The thing is that I don't want to feel anything. At all. But sometimes the feelings attack me so hard I can't ignore them anymore. They push and push and push, until they finally come through, and then, usually, I run. I can't bear to deal with them, and I certainly can't deal with the feelings that comes after. When you've been hurt. And you always get hurt.

I never let anyone in. It takes years of good behaviour to make me trust a person fully. Much because I've been let down. Hard. I've poured my heart out to people who only stomped it and threw it away. Such things hurt. And leave marks. So, in many many years I've never let myself feel anything for anyone, I've run when I couldn't ignore the feelings anymore. I've run so awfully much, in such an awful long time, and I'm so awfully tired.

So, this time, I have sworn to myself to stay put, to not run from them. The feelings that make me want him to hold me. The feelings that, when he looks at me in a certain way, are so overwhelming that it takes all of my self-restraint to not move over. The feelings that makes me pee myself out of fear.

I really don't know what to do. People tell me loving someone is the greatest thing in life, but I know how you feel when you get hurt, and I know running is easy and it spares your feelings, and... And I'm babbeling. I always do when I'm scared. And I'm so awfully scared right now.

How the fuck can you be scared of love? I truly must be an idiot.
We all say, true love doesn't come with the person you can live with, but with the person you can't live without.
Perhaps, you'll realize when I'm gone. Far.

Skinny Bitches & their talk.

Saturday started out pretty early for me considering the fact that I only managed to grab a pathetic 3 hour sleep after sending sissi off to the airport last evening. Sigh, I miss my little faggot. Now, home seems rather silent without sissi's usual blaring of 'youtube' videos. ):

Anyhow, I just got home for PS's solemnization. (By the way, I do miss him. Friggin' much alright. I swear I felt so sick of myself having to wear a fake smile and congratulate him. Life isn't fair) Pffft.
Enough of grudges. I have to sort for ways to calm myself down after the 'traumatic' experience this morning.

Method 1: Snack on Krazee Bars (I am having apricot yoghurt)
Method 2: Surf the net. (Note to self: avoid FB.)

Here we go, I was browsing through the net when I stumbled upon a pretty interesting article on "WHAT DO MODELS TALK BACK STAGE". Are you in for a JAWDROPPER?

Behold..... The "godly" topic is- FOOD.
Well, you heard me. Models talk about FOOD back stage. Astonished? You'd better be. Then again, what you hear might contradict what you see. Models appear like nothing but a bag of skin-and-bones. Agree? Now, we wonder how can they ever look so long, lean and mean even after they claim they've went on a BINGEING SPREE. I am wondering... Are you?
Let's see what VICTORIA SECRET MODELS; Chanel Iman, Anja Rubik and Marisa Miller have to say about "FOOD".


Marisa Miller
"That's all I want. Bring me a cupcake as I'm running off the runway. Just throw it to me."


Chanel Iman
"Last night, I've had a big feast. I always eat a lot, but I wanted to fill myself up and feel sexy next to these real women. Because sometimes I feel like I have a baby body!"


Anja Rubik
"I'm used to it by now. It's like, if a boob pops out, it's no biggie."

So, little girls. Now we know the truth don't we?

Prom date.

Prom took place on Monday evening @ Concorde Singapore (which the teachers claim it is in the "heart" of orchard road). Prom would have been awesome if there was a dancefloor. Sadly, it had been one emotional evening. Streaked make-up, tissue paper, tight hugs and well-wishes. Somehow or rather memories appeared to have re-lived for just that moment. And in the next, the night was soon over and everyone walked out of that ballroom, walking our seperate ways (for real).
Guess that means depending on the cyber world to keep each and everyone of us in the loop. Sigh. Now I am getting all emotional again.


Well, to lighten the mood i'll share with you more about my dress. I had designed this dress out of boredom a couple of months back and had not realized I left the piece of drawing at Uncle J's boutique so... He was such as sweetheart when he came to surprise me on Monday afternoon with a white box. I opened the box and my face beamed. I felt as if I was getting married! Inside the box was the taylor-made black dress and a pair of heels. I swear a tiny tear managed to slide its way down my cheeks. Gee, I was so touched.
Anyhow.... Credits to th dude.




That's the last time I'd put on make-up so... Enjoy the photos for now.
Shall turn in early tonight as the weather is ever so welcoming.
Shahib bestie is heading of to jakarta tomorrow. He promised to have great fun!
Seeya as soon as you are back, bestie.

Hey Kid, get into the fashion scene.

The plan in mind was to source for inspiration on what to wear for prom tomorrow night. As usual, I got distracted again and again. Browsing at god know's what sort of music playlist and addictive online games, I can't help it. There it goes again, see what I meant? I am supposedly suppose to talk about a subject and POOF* my mind wanders off. Anyhow, prom is no biggie and so I've decided to just grab what I see at th eleventh hour before prom. Hopefully, my eyes will willingly seek out the appropriate dress for the occasion. As much as I dread going to prom I have to bear in mind that I have to at least show up in some kind of dressing that is more or less "prom-like". Oh wells, dear fashion goddess, appear in my dreams tonight and tell me what to wear.

As I was browsing, I stumbled upon a website that featured fashion photoshoots for young children models. You've got to envy these kidos for entering the fashion scene.
I'll leave you some photo samples as I head to bed for a good night's sleep.
















Reminder to self: Get your ass in bed, you've not been sleeping for three days now. Ah yes, you do look like a living zombie.

We'll make the cut.

Things I've gleefully decided in the last five minutes:
1. Focus on karaoke session.
2. Ignore prom preparation.
3. Eat Cookies.
4. Spam Crumpz on msn.
5. Get myself to sleep.


God, everyone has to quit whining about prom. And boy am I serious about that. Gee, look girls and boys, prom culture in Sg is definitely no biggie. Who the heck on earth ends an epic party at 10pm? God, night life begins at 10pm, when all the little kiddies crawl back to bed.
Dropped by in town this afternoon with crumpz after our trip to beach road. Poor baby, he got arrowed for SAFKA and would not be booking out for at least 3 dreadful weeks. Shitty, I know. ANYHOW, we headed to cash studio and sang till we were literally hitting high notes. Note to self: I realized I fell in love with a buff dude who hits high notes as well as Mika does. (P.s. it might have been a tight boxer crumpz was wearing). ROFLOL.

I swear all that song and "ROCK & ROLL" impersonation tickled my funny bones. But on the whole, crumpz made me go gaa-gaa over him when he sang all our favourite love songs. Honestly, is there any man out there who is THIS romantic? Naw, highly doubt so. Not trying to get all haughty or showy about having a PERFECT boyf but seriously, the general Singaporean male species clearly lack the essential- character.

Guess I'm driving into the other direction. Guess this shall be it for now,as I am waiting for the videos to be uploaded on FB.
Night folks.

Check on it, will you.

Oh I pretty much wonder, why the night falls silent on me, leaves me insomiac and my mind circling vulnerable thoughts. Gotta keep myself occupied constantly, perhaps. Or so I thought it would be a brilliant idea to re-construct my blog. Not that it matters to anyone but it would at least keep my mind off the hook.

In the matter of pathetic hours I have to report back to school to attend the dreaded graduation ceremony. For peace sake, let us all get this ceremony over and done with in a blink of an eye alright? Geez, we've got to move on, kids. Oh yes, take that leap out of your comfort circle. We'll be out to face the world as adults with demanded maturity. So, grow up. Now.

I'll admit school life wouldn't have kept me surviving if it weren't for all those nasty pranks we pulled and all that dirty antics we put up with. Shudders, we must have been unruly kidos eyh. My oh my, how on earth did we ever turn so monserous?
But I am so darn glad I grew out of it.

It's time you should to.