I woke up this morning to find my mind almost empty. Somehow I had the feeling of not remembering anything, no, nothing at all. I loved how peaceful I was this very morning. Everything felt so warm, so comforting. I knew this time, I only have myself to trust. I want to stay guarded in my own arms, I want to protect my heart, shelter it from all the emotional turmoils. This is the beginning of my discovery to independence. No doubt, I will take the best out of this hard lesson, step out from the naiveness I used to drown myself in. Here I am, standing firm on my two feet, I will learn it the hard way, I will stay guarded, I will not let anyone or anything hurt me for good.
When I was young, I had taken a whole load of burden. But never did I express the slightest weary emotions. I faked a smile for almost half of my life, I pretended everything was ok. The greatest lie I told myself was: "Don't be afraid, everything is OK."
Obviously, nothing then and now is either PERFECT or OK. I had been in a state of denial, or so I may very well assure myself those words were merely for comforting sake.
I will do myself a favor, or at least my heart a favor now. I've learnt never to allow others take me for granted. I am truly terrified. Reality comes without a hint, leaves you at a lost. Reality spells nastiness.
I wished I had never broken out of my naiveness, because...
Only because when I was a little kid, I was ever so trusting by nature, I have never doubted anyone neither could I tell the good and bad apart. Sadly, all these years of growing up, I was exposed to different sides and facade of people and Life. I know I am in the most vulnerable position right now.
I have to protect myself.
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