Now now now.

Behold th birthday speech. (HAHA!)
Honestly, I dread th say I turn 16.
Look, I am no longer a kid. And th most I can ever be at 16 is... a kid at heart?
Oh krap, goodbye to th childish pranks I use to pull. Hello sweet 16. Are you rly that sweet? I mean... Apart from movie privileges, you honestly don't experience any wonders at 16. Sixteen spells an entry ticket to early adulthood, BIG responsibilities and..... that means... BURDEN.

Oh, how nice. ''HAPPY" sweet 16.

Now for th BIG THANK-YOU that comes with HUGS&KISSES.

Birthday Text Messages:
Daddy/Sissi/Rg softball team/Maryam/Uncle J.H/Uncle J.K/Aunt Amy/Uncle Jamil/Aunt Idah/Taufik/Kak Zaza/Kak Suzy/Trish/Agnes/Cherb/Valyn/Kristina/SzeQian/Carmen/Pea/Serene/Amanda&JY/Jeremy/Raynee/Abi/Shahib/Firdey/Jude/Matin/Jdee/Fee&Co./Firdaus/Charmaine/Ryan/Dwayne/Dylynn/Sham/Erika/Danial/Shaula/Kellie/ and....... MY COOKIERHINO!
(I'm sorry if your name isn't included I can't remember exactly who beeped me. My phone went flat. SORRY!)

Birthday Presents:
HAHA. (It is too long a list)
People I love: SzeQian & Carmen/Shaula/Ridwan/Kristina/Daddy/Mommy/Uncle Jh/ Uncle Jk/Aunt Amy/Aunt Helen/Leonard/Shahib/Charmaine/Uncle Sd/
(Practically Everyone!)

Surprise Party:
Family.
SzeQian/Carmen/Adelaide/Serene/Pea/Kellie/Shaula/Sockleng/Huijie/Amanda/
(Obama loves chocolate chip muffins, Obama LOVES you all)

This blog post is specially dedicated to my dearest MUHD RIDWAN.
You have never failed to surprise me in your own way.
You will always turn up right before me when I needed someone to cry to.
Here's some words I've been wanting to say to you:

The little things we always do like calling each other for no reason just to say the words "baby I love you" has never failed to brighten up my days, keep me going whenever I am down.I know lately I've been really caught up with school but I want you to know now that not a second goes by without you crossing my mind. It's been pretty long since we had time to take our usual long walks and having long conversations, talking about nothing but feeling just about everything.So, let us take a day and make everything right, now take my hand and we will fall in love with each other over again.

Let's run away to the place where love first found us,let's run away for the day as don't need anyone around us. When everything in love gets so complicated it only takes a day to change it. What I have to say can't wait, all I need is a day so let's runaway. Runaway... just for the day. Gentle Giant, you've been so patient spending nights alone waiting for me and never complaining. But I will make it up to you and I'll tell you and promise that I will never keep you waiting.
I guess I need this one chance to remind you of everything we had and shared and never will I give up. I'm too much in love and I want you to know that.
And I promise to make everyday just like today.


I've decided, God gave me you.
You are th right one for me.
Th one who bothers to stay up every single night for th last two months preparing for my birthday gift.
And I can swear, no other guy in this world has th heart like yours to fold hundreds of stars filling up th entire birthday box just for me.
You have in many ways brought joy, happiness, care and unconditional love into my life. I am truly blessed to have met someone like you.

Muhd Ridwan, I love you so so so very much.

My thoughts flipped. You didn’t mind me falling apart, even let me back in. I stopped kicking, let myself sink, silently hoping that you're on your way over but I'm probably losing sight. Or maybe, if you'd shake your heart enough, you'd see me appear. I don't know. I wonder, why is it always this way? If only you were here. I do wish you were here. I am constantly explaining things to you in my head, as though I'm communicating through unseen vibes across the continents...


And you might wish I hadn’t...

How sad.
This was how patriotic I thought I could be.
Happy 44th little red dot.

I enjoy having nothing, making myself pull out my old tricks. I wish I was an amazing human being, I see them walking in the streets all the time, at first glance, oh how ordinary they seem but if you look just a little closer you'd see. They just don't know it yet and some, never come to realise it. I just wish that I could be an amazing human being, those amazing ones, when I needed to. Anyway, soon enough I was drowning in placebos and envy, I was jaded and relentless. Awkward and demanding. But so was everyone else, I'm not a bad person.


Something continues, though I don't know what it's called. Maybe it doesn't have a name but most probably, I just never learned enough. I never do. The language is suggestive though, just like it has always been with language, with words, but they're all anonymous. Perhaps I'm a wide eyed girl, trying to take everything in. A beady-eyed girl whose in the middle of something she doesn't really understand.