I want to play hide and seek and wear your clothes, compliment you on your shoes and sit at the doorway ledge while you take a shower and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you nick my fries and meet you at Mt Faber and talk about our lives and write you letters and celebrate you in the bathroom mirror and make faces at strangers passing by and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and wage wars with paper planes behind pillow forts and watch terrible films and watch great films and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you the paper while you flip pancakes and make toast and go to the park and drink home-brewed tea at midnight and have you teach me how to whistle and laugh at how silly I look and tell you about the programme I saw the night before and take you to the clinic when you're sick and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep awhile and kiss your cheeks and play with your fingers and tell you how much I love your hair, your eyes, your lips, your arse and sit on the steps humming 'till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps humming 'till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you little hearts made from straws I stole from Mac Donald's and sit on the cold cement 'till my bottom is sore while you skate and be there at the stands during your soccer games eventhough the season finale of Next Top Model is on and have you wave at me every now and then and I'll smile and cheer when you make a good pass and hug you when your team wins and hug you even tighter if your team loses and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and sniff your sweatshirt for your scent and get scared when you're angry with your eyebrow's twisted and your eye has gone red, the other brown and your hair all bald and your face weary and to still tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your left shoulder and smother you in the night and get cold when you pull the duvet away and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh because i love you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it but maybe it is something like having your heart cave in except times forever but still that wouldn't do it.

Thats all my secrets in one breath.
Happy One Year, Cookie.
I love you.

So while i was in my room fixing my hair around 10:15pm, I heard my keyboard typing by itself.
IT WAS SUPER CREEPY!!
My first thought was that the noise could be my weird air vents that make noise ALL the time.
but then I heard the space bar about 4 times........
Now i'm EXTREMELY creeped out of my mind, yet im still using the computer.
I guess im used to the fact that my house likes to haunt ME and only ME.
It probably likes me :]
& Then............
I just heard one of my drawers close in the kitchen at approximately 10:24pm.
I guess my ghost buddies are lively today -__-

This morning changed a few things. Some more substantial, others less, though all in all it does make a difference significant or not. Perhaps making 2 trays of cheesecake at one in the morning, then realising it can be consumed only the next day, does help to straighten out one's perspectives somehow. Sometimes I find the weirdest of times to process the insides of my brain, like in the midst of a mosh but usually it's small triggers through words from the wise and rather occasionally, from the not so wise, that strike like a trainwreck. It's easy you know. You look at the people around you, sort out your insides, pretend you have some space, pick out the pieces you stole from them, drop it in, duplicate, lock shift and release.


Thing is, I'm just realising how freaking fantastic I really am at detaching and attaching feelings for anyone from second to second. I would like you to genuinely believe me; that this is a skill to have, not a problem. Because every night is something different, and I'm grateful for it, as repetition isn't quite something I'd enjoy; it being one which triggers boredom which then translates to dissatisfaction. At least for me, personally. On the other hand, some reliability is pleasurable I guess, at least for the sake of one's sanity and reassurance. Somewhere to lay your head at night, something you can rely on. But to contradict myself, once and again, if there is one thing I'm good at, I'm not sure whether any level of comfort can be achieved sans repetition as the notion of it co-exists with any level of consistency which is where one almost always finds comfort. Almost always, I'd say. Because perhaps there might be some who'd find comfort in inconsistency?

It's funny how joy spreads--this evening I felt joyful for more reasons than just a hard day's work. I felt joy to think of my close friends, near and far, who are such a blessing in my life. I felt joy knowing that I could cheer up a friend today, a friend who has done the same for me on many occasions. I felt the joy that Kahlil Gibran speaks of in The Prophet:
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Selamat menjalankan ibadah puasa!

Yay, I have been looking forward to Ramadan this year and guess what? It's here. Fasting starts today and I want to take this chance to wish all my muslim friends HAPPY FASTING!

May you all have th mental motivation and physical endurance to get by this month. I am looking forward to break fast with Ridwan and his family in th coming weeks although I hope it will not clash with any of my evening classes. Hmm, this Ramadan will indeed be an opportune time for me to bond with Ridwan and his family. What's more, I am sure we will be looking forward to th end of Ramadan where we will be enjoying ourselves with endless delicious feast! I am totally looking forward to Eid al-Fitr!

I love you Rwan.
I miss you Aunt Idah, Uncle Jamil and family.


Best wishes.
Kul 'am wa enta bi-khair!