How's life?

An unexpected phonecall came through the line this morning.
"How's life, kiddo?".
Feeling fairly confident of myself, I replied with a rather "firm", "All's good."
"You sure?"
"Ye, kinda."

Guess I must have sounded hesitant or... my tongue got in the way and somehow, I fumbled between my emotions and words. I held back my tears for th entire 14minutes 43seconds of the phone conversation. It must have felt like forever as suppressing my emotions trying to sound OK was too much for me to handle.
After I hung out, I buried my face into my pillow and cried till I found myself choking on my own tears.

The truth is. Life is far from good. Life took me on a crazy ride and now, it left me in a massive mess.

I hate to know the truth. Somehow or rather, truth and reality brings about nastiness and fear. I won't go much into detail as... It is about my private life after all. I mean.. I will never find someone I can confide in whenver I meet with life's bullshit. Perhaps there are people I can confide in, but... I guess, the problem is; I will not allow myself to.
I have seen myself growing up on different tracks.

When I was as young as 2, I was a curious little explorer. Nothing could stop me from asking "WHY?"
I could never get proper sleep if my doubts were left unanswered.
For 14 years, one question that has not been answered was: "If you love me, why did you make me cry?"

Neither my daddy or momsie could answer me.


Life took a turn after I left primary school. I swung myself recklessly into the pits.
I smoked/partied/got into fights/drank/cut-myself.
Then,
nothing else did matter to me.
I regret what I've done.

Two years ago, reality did a check on me.
I changed for the better. But still, I was naive.
I became too forgiving. People began to step all over me.
I got hurt in return. I had been too nice to those who were simply masking their evil intentions. But hey, I will not hold grudges.

Today,
I've learnt my lesson. I have struggled through the toughest times with the people I truly love, shared happiness and tears with true friends who stood by me, laughed at almost nothing with the people who came and left my life without a trace.
I am really surprised with the number of people whom I've met and left my life.
I have realized today, how lonely I am.
But I am ok with it, because in that way.. I won't get myself hurt or stepped on.
This world is nasty.
Fairy tales don't come true.

Well, at least I knew.. My last happy moment as a kid was captured on the camera (look at th photo).

Hotel Room Service. Check.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLA~
Ritz Carlton was a blast. Breakfast buffet/Lunch/Tea-Break/Dinner/Supper/7-11
made us fat, fat, fat.
I bet you missed me. Haha.
Photos are uploaded on FB.


xoxo.
I am going to turn in now. I am exhausted!

Superheroes wear underwear, don't they?

I paid 13bux for a TOPSHOP underwear.
This makes my ass worth a million dollar more now.
TOPSHOP is having their end-of-season sales. Almost most of their apparels are discounted at least 30% to 70% off their original price.

Go grab 'em while you can!

Midnight bottle got us love drunk.

I woke up this morning to have my sissi wrapping her arms around me.
Lately, after th epic episode of me on the verge of losing my sanity and falling into depression, my sissi had been the one who spent countless of late nights in my room, keeping me company, making sure that those unpleasant thoughts would not haunt me. It had been close to 4 years since we last slept together much less on the same bed! Despite all those sorrows I saw myself drowning in, I surge of warmth still surrounds me. The warmth of a sister's love I believe.

Well, most of my friends would know that my sister and I had never been close and there had always been a fine line drew between our private lives. We never shared secrets and we always chose to confide in our friends whenever we met with life's challenges. The barrier we chose to have between us was awfully disheartening for my momsie as she took a whole lot of effort instilling values in us since we were young.
My momsie held strongly to a belief: No other love is greater than sister's love.

I finally understood the meaning of the phrase only after this episode. Albeit the times where I played my role as an older sister, resorting to many ways to express my love and concerns towards sissi, she often turned me away with her stoic expressions and mono-syllabic answers. But through this, I have learnt that deep under her "untouched" expressions, is a heart that cares and love me. She hugged me so tightly and told me not to cry ever again on the (first night). Leading to the next few nights, we would spent our midnights together watching dvds and sharing secrets. Somehow, both of us took a great leap and opened up more to each other.

We've been sharing almost all of secrets under the sun.
I love what I have right now, the greatest gift from LIFE; My sister's love.

To fellow readers with siblings, I am pretty sure you can understand exactly how I feel in this post. Well, like the old saying goes "blood is thicker than water", no love is greater than the love you receive from your family.

Cheerios and have a great weekend.

Love V & Natalie Portman

I love V magazine they transform every celebrity to this cool ,edgy, sexy people. I just love the photographers that take these photos, the stylists that come with these looks, hair and makeup artists that do incredible work. You must get this magazine. Not to forget the writer/editors that give details and issues what going in fashion and celebrity.Natalie portman is such a great actress and remind of the movie she played... start with a V for Vendetta .

LoVin' it.