Denial Ruins your life.

I felt my chest aerate with the oncoming surge of my surroundings - trees, air, clouds, faces, sand, textures; it occupies me inside and instead of feeling like something about me is going to burst, here comes a torrent of content, and it embraces me, with such consistency. So I float through it and thought to myself, this is what it must feel like to be truely happy. But of course, such moments come rare, and like all other things in life, it passes and try as hard, you can never outstay its welcome.

If you'd like to know, it really breaks my heart every single time when I see people my age, a little older or worse, younger, doing crazy amazing things and being absolutely brilliant. It hurts me so much I'm almost always on the verge of manic depression, I'm about to cry, and really, all I want to do is be as wonderful, as motivated and as god-damn talented like they are. But my environment is hardly ever remotely motivating, the people around me in school are good but in areas I hold little to no interest in, which is contradictory and sad, really, because I guess everyone is right, I don't belong, I won't ever, even if I tried- in fact, I am god-damn sure I'm in the wrong school altogether. And I've told myself from time to time to never, ever, freaking admit to this but really, denial can only work for so long for if I was being perfectly honest with myself, I am without a trace of doubt, in the wrong country and yes, I am aware of how pathetic this sounds. I need to stop thinking and simplify my state of mind, retract all that has been exposed back to where it belongs and realise that where I am is where I need to be at this moment, really.