In that dark room, I crept into solitude.
I picked up that filthy plastic bag, God knew what sort of junk was in it.
I breathed so hard, my lungs went weak. I knew th harder I inhaled, th pain would fade. I took one deep breath,and somehow th vision of you standing by th doorway became a blur. I needed you to hear me out, hear my heart scream, hear my cries. But I got too consumed in sniffing. It ran through my body, slowly defeating my every senses. I felt so numb and so cold. But th emotions inside me were still so warm.

"Breathe baby breathe, you gotta keep living" that's what they all say.
This puzzles me. For how long? - I'd say.

If I cannot sit still while you're looking at me, cannot bring myself to deny you a smile at all the silly things you do, always answering 'yes' whenever you say "You wanna hear something?", makes you MEGA BURGERS when you're all hungry, leaves you long facebook comments and leans closer everytime we chat. If I run my fingers through your hair slowly and forgives all your mistakes, if I feel sad when you feel sad, asks you all the big questions in life and wants to hear what you have to say, and every once in a while, I look like I'm holding something back....

Then I guess.... It shows. I love you. And I want a sign that I can tell you, straight into your heart.
You need to know, I love you my silly boy.

I swear I am suffering from a massive hangover.
Surf's up, you know you can't miss it.
Damn, I swear I'm riding high.


(You'd prolly guess how overwhelmed I am just by th way I am swearing into your face)

Things I love about you



The way you stare at me when I close my eyes, then you closed your eyes and I stared at you



How perfectly your hand fit in mine



How you seemed so strong on the outside, but I could tell you were so sweet on the inside



The way you said I love you, because you sounded so shy



How during that first time we were alone, when we held hands and talked for hours and finally kissed me on... my nose!



How you are so interested in my life and what I was doing



How you remember everything I said to you perfectly



When you texted me cheeky messages randomly (as little as that may be)



When you told me I’m one of the most perfect girls you’ve ever met



How you were too shy to hold my hand, in case I didn’t want you to



The awkward moments - because they weren’t really awkward at all



Sitting at the table with your family and enjoying myself and your warmth



Taking photo booth pictures with you and you made the best faces I’ve ever seen



How you told me I looked great every time we saw each other - despite how untrue I thought it was



How I sat on your lap, and your legs fell asleep but you didn’t care, as long as I was sitting that close to you



How it didn't matter to you that you were feeling cold, you'd still wrap your arms around me



How much you have passion for th kids we love at th orphanage



Your laugh/smile



How you always made fun of me - I secretly loved it



What a loser you are, because I am too



How you admitted defeat and say sorry when I wouldn’t let you win a fight



The way you made the butterflies in my stomach flutter every time I saw your smile



How much you make me love you.

Everyday something gets thrown in my face and oh, I try. Gnash through the bullshit the whole twenty four hours. People giving up on you, you giving up on people, people ignoring you, leaving you, people shutting you out, you pushing people away. Some days I even go the long mile, say hello to people I'd rather ignore, but no matter how it goes, it always breaks the same way-But I'm afraid that if these little musings of mine aren't "released" into some form that could be understood by people other than me, I might perhaps explode. Sometimes these things make my heart pound so much, I may need medical attention.

You may not be her first,but you'll be her last, and hers only. She loved before she chose to love again. She loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, then hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

Off to th airport now.

Funfairs on the beach, we never get one of these here, do we? Just pigeon scum, bumper cars in muddy ground, awkward boys, lovelorn girls and cereal in milk cartons. I feel like my closest hand was halfway 'round the world, something distant, I'm failing to recognise. But these days we're getting lovely sunsets, even lovelier sunrises, so this breaks even. I guess everyone's in some kind of trouble, have had their places turned upside down, felt their life stop by the sofa edge, written letters in their heads only to completely crumble when the moment comes; everyone feels the same way, but not at the same time.

Remember, if it hurts, it's probably worth it.

look what i found in result of my insomnia

what to do when you're upset by russiangold .

1. have a romance in your head .
2. buy a remote control for your camera and dip your toes into the pool of narcissism .
3. write a personal entry for your blog dissecting every aspect of the upsetting situation . post it, don't post it, whatever .
4. wear a fake mustache all day .
5. write multiple lists of everything you want : material posessions, relationships, work, lifestyle, everything . pin them up by the door so you see them all the time .
6. eat animal crackers .
7. notice when you hold tension in your body, & learn to let it go .
8. load up your ipod and go for a long walk through your favourite scenery .
9. find a secret place .
10. lie down in the sunshine .

it looks like i have one of these specifically pretty down *3