In that dark room, I crept into solitude.
I picked up that filthy plastic bag, God knew what sort of junk was in it.
I breathed so hard, my lungs went weak. I knew th harder I inhaled, th pain would fade. I took one deep breath,and somehow th vision of you standing by th doorway became a blur. I needed you to hear me out, hear my heart scream, hear my cries. But I got too consumed in sniffing. It ran through my body, slowly defeating my every senses. I felt so numb and so cold. But th emotions inside me were still so warm.

"Breathe baby breathe, you gotta keep living" that's what they all say.
This puzzles me. For how long? - I'd say.

If I cannot sit still while you're looking at me, cannot bring myself to deny you a smile at all the silly things you do, always answering 'yes' whenever you say "You wanna hear something?", makes you MEGA BURGERS when you're all hungry, leaves you long facebook comments and leans closer everytime we chat. If I run my fingers through your hair slowly and forgives all your mistakes, if I feel sad when you feel sad, asks you all the big questions in life and wants to hear what you have to say, and every once in a while, I look like I'm holding something back....

Then I guess.... It shows. I love you. And I want a sign that I can tell you, straight into your heart.
You need to know, I love you my silly boy.

I swear I am suffering from a massive hangover.
Surf's up, you know you can't miss it.
Damn, I swear I'm riding high.


(You'd prolly guess how overwhelmed I am just by th way I am swearing into your face)

Things I love about you



The way you stare at me when I close my eyes, then you closed your eyes and I stared at you



How perfectly your hand fit in mine



How you seemed so strong on the outside, but I could tell you were so sweet on the inside



The way you said I love you, because you sounded so shy



How during that first time we were alone, when we held hands and talked for hours and finally kissed me on... my nose!



How you are so interested in my life and what I was doing



How you remember everything I said to you perfectly



When you texted me cheeky messages randomly (as little as that may be)



When you told me I’m one of the most perfect girls you’ve ever met



How you were too shy to hold my hand, in case I didn’t want you to



The awkward moments - because they weren’t really awkward at all



Sitting at the table with your family and enjoying myself and your warmth



Taking photo booth pictures with you and you made the best faces I’ve ever seen



How you told me I looked great every time we saw each other - despite how untrue I thought it was



How I sat on your lap, and your legs fell asleep but you didn’t care, as long as I was sitting that close to you



How it didn't matter to you that you were feeling cold, you'd still wrap your arms around me



How much you have passion for th kids we love at th orphanage



Your laugh/smile



How you always made fun of me - I secretly loved it



What a loser you are, because I am too



How you admitted defeat and say sorry when I wouldn’t let you win a fight



The way you made the butterflies in my stomach flutter every time I saw your smile



How much you make me love you.

Everyday something gets thrown in my face and oh, I try. Gnash through the bullshit the whole twenty four hours. People giving up on you, you giving up on people, people ignoring you, leaving you, people shutting you out, you pushing people away. Some days I even go the long mile, say hello to people I'd rather ignore, but no matter how it goes, it always breaks the same way-But I'm afraid that if these little musings of mine aren't "released" into some form that could be understood by people other than me, I might perhaps explode. Sometimes these things make my heart pound so much, I may need medical attention.