Caught somewhere in between.

Just before I fall asleep and when I'm really bored I, lay down and think for a while until I fall into a semi hypnotic state of subconciousness.Some call it daydreaming and some call it just fucking spacing out.But I feel like I'm not here and it doesnt matter because I'm sick of putting myself in boring situations and pro argumentory conversations, just everyday basic sitcome happenings.Some call it thinking but when I'm in this particular state of mind, I forget to think and it becomes strictly observatory.I notice things very sensitively.Like if I focus really hard, I can see small transparent blotches of debris on the outer shell of my eyes (or the conjuctiva right?) and can only follow it as my eye moves downward.It's like watching a film footage of an amoeba or a jelly like plankton under a microscope.And when I close my eyes and look up to sun, the bright orange redness (from the sun I think) radiates an intense picture of red blood cells or what I think are blood cells.And they're moving very rapidly and again I can only focus for so long before my eyes strain and it becomes very painful and I have to look away from the sun into a pillow and rub my eyes hard.Then I see tiny spheres of sparkling light which only stay for a second .Some call them stars but they look more like sparkles to me.Then as my eyes focus again amongst the water or tears (from rubbing my eyes too hard),I open them and then look up into the sky, away from the sun, and forget about the stupid fucking squiggly things moving on the outer layer of my eyes or the close up blood cells in my eye lids and I stare at the sky with perrifial vision and not trying, but just happening to make out all the kinds of faces,objects and staues in the clouds.And I can do the same with the painting next to my couch and the walls surrounding my couch.